You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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