I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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