Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
