So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think I have vodka in my lungs
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
