so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
