as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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