Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
