My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
