Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
