Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
