we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
