Already got asked if we're dating
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
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I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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