i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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