My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
