you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it was like eating out sand paper
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
