I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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