Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You're like the curious george of whores
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
