i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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