I faked an abortion last night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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