You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
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Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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