I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize