When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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