ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
