Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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