I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
