I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
