Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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