Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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