And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
