that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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