Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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