Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
