M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
P.S. I can't hear my feet
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
