If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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