just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
