i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
