yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
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Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
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My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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