I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
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watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm determined to sit on that face.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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