i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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