google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
