1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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