Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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