i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I supernannyed him into submission
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
