You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
