Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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