maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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