fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
