I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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