i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
