tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
