I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my being single is dangerous.
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you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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