I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
