I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize