I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
