When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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