I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
