There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
