He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
