if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
