words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
