he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
