Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
