They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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