He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
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Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
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I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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