my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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